Lost

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I fell in a muddy puddle.  My face was covered with wet dirt and sweat—an evil presence that I couldn’t see surrounded me.  It came closer, the bushes rustled noisily.  In my mind, I knew that this was it, what would be my fate. Rain poured heavily, mist and fog veiled the swamp, like a white sheet of paper. I was too young to die. I didn’t want my life to end this way. Whatever was chasing me was approaching fast.

Death would be here in a matter of minutes; I had no doubt about it. I wouldn’t be able to escape it much longer, once it saw me laying on the ground in defeat.  I lifted my head and elevated myself into a comfortable sitting position.  I sat Indian style on the soggy muck and glanced up at the black starless sky. I couldn’t even wish myself out of this one, not even a falling star for a loser who didn’t see his life heading towards a dark tunnel.

“Daddy!” A familiar voice echoed in my mind.

Tears of joy swelled in my eyes--droplets of rain were pouring down my face, washing the filth off my skin as if none of this had ever happened. I didn’t feel cold any more; a ray of sunshine emerged from the branches of the trees. The rain slowly diminished from my sight and unconscious psyche.

“Daddy, Daddy!” The voice sounded so close, almost right behind me.

I used to be happy—I was handsome and clever.  I was a powerful man back in my day with wealth and a family. Everyone knew who I was; numerous people befriended me because of the riches I had. It felt wonderful—it was a drug that became so addictive.  

I had no control over my actions or even myself.  I turned around with outstretched arms. Jayce, my seven-year-old son ran to me with loving arms and jumped right into my warm embrace, holding me tightly.  Light was everywhere as I danced with him around a room with lavish rugs, wooden floorboards, table sets, and fine chinaware.

There were bookshelves big and small, colorful pictures and paintings hung from every wall.  Large white vases with roses and flowers had been neatly decorated to match the homey living room. A piano played softly in the background. The tune was soft and relaxing; I heard myself humming to it as a lullaby.  Such expensive objects and knit-knacks encircled me: I thought nothing could go wrong; my life was filled with bliss.

What happened to me? Why did it all go away?  I remembered it now.  A small garden snake slithers in the backyard, near the swimming pool.

“We have to talk.” Rhiannon said with glaring jade eyes that burned like fire.

Her long and brown wavy hair was soaked--she must have just gotten out of the shower.  She was fully dressed in jeans and a pink tank top; her eyebrows were puckered and her mouth was a frown, I had no idea what to expect.

“Why?  What’s wrong Rhia?” I asked, putting down my son.

“Don’t involve Jayce in this.” She whispered.

I kneeled down and faced my boy, “Go to your room, all right.” I said.

“But why, Daddy?” Jayce asked, gripping onto my shirt with his tiny-bronzed hand, not wanting to let go.  

His black eyes seemed concerned—his pupils were glowing as if a spotlight was right over him. He had his adorable pajamas on with the Power Rangers; it was his favorite show.

“Everything will be okay, just do what Daddy says.” I gently nudged him back with my hand.  

Jayce was a good boy and he would stay in his room for hours, watching TV if I hadn’t called him down for breakfast. When Jayce left the room, Rhiannon stepped forward and presented a letter to me. Her hand was shaking in pure rage and anguish.

“So, you have a mistress?” She asked.

“Rhia…it’s not what it looks like.” I tried to explain.

“Why did I not see it coming?  I was so stupid to trust you.  Everyday, I waited for you to come home from your so-called business trip...and you do this to me?” She crumpled the letter in her hand and threw it to the ground.

“I—I was going to tell you, but…I—I.” I said.

“Yeah, I understand.  I’m not good enough for you.  Did you ever think about our son…what’s going to happen to his life, his future?  Did you once think about me?  How I would feel?”  Rhiannon marched out of the living room and upstairs.

“Please, Rhia.  Let me explain.” I called to her, following her to the master bedroom. Rhiannon had her clothing already packed in a suitcase; she snatched the handle and yanked it, dragging the luggage along the carpet.

“Rhia, please!  It was just a one nightstand, it didn’t mean anything to me.” I pleaded.

I heard the “thud” of the suitcase down the stairs, every step of the way.

“I called my mother, she’ll come by later and pick up Jayce.” Rhiannon opened the front door.  “I’m leaving you…”

She displayed no reaction to me whatsoever or my pleas; I was invisible to her as she left, without turning back.  After the divorce, the cheerful smile that had always brightened my day was gone; the lighthearted person Rhiannon was before had now withered away, and so did the soft features of her skin.  

I cried quietly; thunder boomed piercingly, the ground trembled as it crackled with no remorse.  I was going to die here, in a place that didn’t know my name. Why wasn’t I truthful with her? Why did I have to lie?  

“So, you’re married?”  Said a woman with lilac eyes.  

She had short blond hair that gently touched her shoulders.  I traced her up and down; the scarlet dress this woman had flowed along her shaped curves.  She called herself Scarlet for short, since she didn’t want to tell me her real name.

“No, I’m not.  Would you like a drink of the finest champagne?”  I said, sighing with relief.  

Luckily for me, I took off my wedding band just in the nick of time as I entered the ballroom.  I was dressed in a black tux suit and my hair was damp with gel—I extended my hand to her and led her to a nearby table where we could talk in peace.

“Good, cause’ I’m sick of drawing in the married guys.  They’re such dogs.”  Scarlet smirked evilly.  She stuck out her forked tongue and made a hissing sound.

Every business trip I had, I met a different woman and sometimes a chic prostitute.  It was the excitement that lured me toward the temptations of lust—of being wild and free where there were no rules, and no boundaries.  From then on, my life wasn’t the same.  

I started gambling my money recklessly, until I was flat broke.  The result was devastating.  I was fired from my job and once that took effect I didn’t have enough money for child support.  It was as if all my problems had started off as a tiny rock that had fallen off a cliff.  But now, my troubles were a huge boulder knocking everything in its path.  

The IRS took my fifty-bedroom mansion and every vehicle that I owned, including my favorite silver Lexus and bright red Mustang.  I borrowed money from my friends, so I could find a small part time job and make a living.  It wasn’t really what I considered living at all and I soon turned to depression.  For two years, I didn’t see Jayce.  

I received letters from my son that he was a pitcher in his Little League team at West Oaks Elementary.  There were piles of letters in the corner of my apartment room that I had never touched.  Rhiannon didn’t have a problem with Jayce writing letters to me, but she still couldn’t handle talking over the phone with me.  Jayce would often call and I’d try to sound happy—I’d frequently came up with an excuse for why I wasn’t at his school play or why I couldn’t stay on the phone with him for long periods of time.

“Pull yourself together!” Someone’s firm hand was on my damp shoulder.  The hand was dry and appeared to be unaffected by the thunderstorm.

My best friend, David, took the small glass of liquor from my hand, “It’s not ‘The End of The World.’ You need to go back to her and work this out.  You have a kid to think about.” He said.

“I can’t…I can’t loook her straigh’ in the face.” I said, slurring my words.

I was inside a smelly bar with hideous strangers, and smoke from the filth of cigarettes.  I came there every night; drinking constantly and wasting what little money I had for an icy beer and hard liquor.

“You need to be strong.  Just look at yourself. You’re a mess.” David said.  

His eyes were bewildered--not only of confusion, but also of fear that I scarcely imagined.  I could hardly see him; his face was a blur to me, all I could hear was his deep voice.  He was lecturing to me like I was a child.  I had known David since I was in College.  We were best buds and we both had a family and success.  

David was unlike me in many ways—money wasn’t everything to him and he cherished his wife more than I did my own.  He thought of himself as just an average person and not a wealthy millionaire, dressing in casual clothes and driving around in an old pick up truck.  Who would have guessed by glimpsing at him that he was the richest man in the world?

“I doon’t care.  I wanted to be alon’.” I said.

“You need to get your act together, man. You need help!” David said in desperation.

“They take my kid.  Don’t want him.  Take him.”

I clumsily fell off the stool and snickered as a fool that had no feet.  My eyes were bloodshot; I didn’t sleep for days.

“What’s become of you?  I don’t even know you anymore.” David raised his brow and shook his head.

“Just leavee me.  I doon’t need youu!” I shoved him away from me.

David quickly surrendered and lifted his hands slightly in the air, “I’m not going to fight you.” He said, backing off.

“I doon’t need anyone...not eve’ youu.” I said.

“You’ll regret this.  Someday, you’ll realize that your son will never forgive you for this.” was the last I heard him say, before the door slammed shut.  

How truly right David was, I didn’t realize it at that moment, but here I was, recalling those very same words.  A dark shadow flashed across one of the large windows in an instant and disappeared.  I saw it at the corner of my eye and almost choked; its shape was abnormal and it didn’t appear to be human.

No one could travel that fast from one window to the next without being noticed—I glanced around the bar and everyone looked too miserable and wrapped up in their own problems to even care what I just witness.  I elevated myself and got on my hands and knees.

My hands were plastered with swamp mud and grass; I pounded the ground with my fists, sobbing uncontrollably.  I looked over and stared at a tiled floor beneath me.  All the tiles were completely dry, not a single blotch of mud or raindrop was on them.  

This is where I tried to start over, a new life.  I had bought an old used car and filled up the tank, ready to escape this Hellhole.  I attempted to get rid of the past, the sorrow…the memories of her.

“So, where are you going?” An elderly woman asked.  

Her voice was delicate and soft.  I barely knew her, and yet I sensed that she knew me somewhat.  I think her name was Enu, when she greeted me at the door of the gas station.  Enu had spectacles over her sapphire eyes and gray curly hair; it was extremely short and thinning at the sides.

“I dunno…away from here.” I said, watching her carefully put my items in a brown grocery bag.

The Floridian temperature was scorching and humid, the entire station was deserted.  I believed that I was the only customer for the day that Enu had encountered.

“You running away from something, stranger?” Enu asked.
I sighed, “Why would you think that?” I lifted the paper bag with both hands.

“Your eyes…they seem so sad.” She said.

“I’m not sad.” I lied through my teeth.

“Just be careful where you go. There’s sightings of unusual things in these parts.” Enu handed back my change and smiled at me weakly.

I disregarded her and rushed out the glass door, gaining no knowledge from what she said.  Back then, I was still an arrogant man.  I didn’t learn from my mistakes, apart from despair and hopelessness.  I traveled in my beat-up Honda to no particular destination. The Honda used to have a golden color.  In time, its coat peeled and chipped at every corner.  How did it come to this?  

I jolted as a fierce roar exploded from within the swamp. The engine to my car started to smoke and rumble.  I pulled over at the edge of the freeway and removed the key.  Silence crept inside, I sat hoping to put an end to the misery.  I rummage around the grocery bag and got out of the car with a bottle of liquor in one hand.

“Might as well drink while I’m here.” I thought to myself.

I twisted the cap and guzzled every last drop; the liquor burned my throat as it went down.  The night was chilly, I distinguished a few stars out--the sky was at its darkest. This was not a normal sky.  It was pitch black; the moon was nowhere to be seen.  

I figured it was biased and would never beam on someone as selfish as me.  For hours, I ignored the pain, stumbling here and there recklessly.  I was drunk, hardly knowing that gleaming yellow eyes were following me. They sparkled as fireflies, buzzing in circles in order to find their perfect mate.

Large clawed feet stomped the ground, pacing close by.  I was in my own world, seeing everything as an illusion. Nothing felt real; my senses were numb to the bone.  I was bitter at everyone and everything, including how I treated myself.  I tripped.  My body rolled into a ditch—I thought my entire life was a joke.

What did I actually live for?  Was it just for myself?  Did I care for nothing?Light rain poured on me as I laid there for what felt like an infinity.  I closed my eyes.  

The tree branches wobbled violently and a sound bellowed from the depths of my very soul. I opened my eyes and struggled to rise.  Its head was hidden in the shadows, its bumpy skin camouflaged well in the darkness.  I fled and it pursued me, growling on all fours.

Mud splashed on my clothing; I wanted this beast to rip me to shreds, I couldn’t go on living. I was meant to die.  For what I did, I deserved it. Vivid memories raced through my head, maybe if I had a second chance, I’d go back to the beginning.

“Yeah, I understand.  I’m not good enough for you.  Did you ever think about our son…what’s going to happen to his life, his future?  Did you once think about me?  How I would feel?”  Rhiannon marched out of the living room and upstairs.

“I’m sorry Rhia.  I didn’t mean it.  I never wanted to hurt you and Jayce.  I didn’t want to hurt anyone.  I love you, I—I just didn’t appreciate you and I’ll admit it.  I just want this to go away.  I love both of you.  I was only thinking about myself…I was so selfish.” I whispered, begging for forgiveness.

“Don’t involve Jayce in this.” She whispered.

I kneeled down and hugged my boy, “Jayce, please forgive me. Your daddy did something he didn’t mean to do. I’m so sorry that I lied to you and your mother.  I’m sorry that I wasn’t in your life…that I left you alone.” I said.

“But why, Daddy?” Jayce asked. As I released him, he placed his warm hands on my face and gazed at me with doll eyes.

“I was stupid and conceited, and because I was afraid to admit the truth.” I wasn’t sure if he’d understand, but Jayce was a smart boy and I was glad that I had told him the truth, instead of lying to him—deceiving myself that everything was perfect.

David placed his hand on his forehead, “What’s become of you?  I don’t even know you anymore.” He whispered in disbelief.

“David, please forgive me. I’ve always considered you a brother to me.  I just never said it, because I didn’t believe I needed help…I thought I could do things on my own, solve my problems on my own. You’ve always supported me and yet I treated you like crap.” I said, handing him the glass of forgetfulness.

“Your eyes…they seem so sad.” Enu said.

“I’ve lost everything.   I lost my wife, my son, and my close friend.  It was my fault for losing them.” I said.

Enu grabbed my hand gently and gave back my change, “We all make mistakes, we’re only human, after all. If you go back and ask them to forgive you, they’ll forgive you.” She said.

“And what if they don’t?” I asked, opening the door halfway.

“They can’t be mad at you forever. They’ll forgive you; you’ve already confessed that you were wrong.  Do it now before it’s too late…your past will come back to haunt you.” Enu smiled and waved goodbye to me.

“I was wrong!  I’m sorry!  Please, forgive me!” I yelled, glancing up at the night sky.

It stopped raining.  A breathing sound approached closer, thick vapor sprayed over my shoulder.  I turned around and faced it head on; its spiky tail knocked down a tree.  The head was that of a dragon, and its long neck extended a few feet above me.  I saw its eyes blaze wildly.  I sat there, waiting for it to strike at me any second.  

It blinked and lowered its massive head—I felt a wet tongue lick the side of my cheek. Right before my very eyes the dragon transformed into a black feline. It meowed constantly for attention and stroked against my leg with its body. The beast, which wasn’t a beast at all purred softly.  

I rubbed its smooth head, “I guess… you’re lost too, eh?”  I never saw the beast again after that day.

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